2005-03-31 - 3:47 p.m.
Last night while driving home from rehearsal, I was scanning the radio stations and I stopped on 88.3 FM. Two women and a man (the husband of one of the women) were having a conversation which I could only assume was a comedy sketch. The women were explaning that it was perfectly natural for a man to ask a woman to change aspects of her physical appearance, such as requesting that she lose weight, tone her body, wear different clothing, etc because it was God's will that a woman should please her husband and ultimately, that was her most important task. One of the women was talking about how in her entire married life, there were only a handful of times when she did not go to great lengths to make herself up for her husband when he called to say that he was coming home, and she regretted those times. Her husband piped in and pointed out that he remembered those times with disapointment. Not only should women change their bodies for their men, but they should understand that if they don't and their men begin to wander, it is the woman's fault. One of the women explained that it was in a man's nature to look at other women and want to enjoy them physically, so you need to make sure he doesn't by giving him everything he wants. I was laughing outloud until the station identified itself as a Christian station and I realized the shocking truth - these people were serious!
That is when I saw the light - that's it, I'm a Christian! God Damn, Jesus Christ, Holy Shit - I'm a f**king Christian! If I get to order my wife to get boobie implants, spend two hours a day in a tanning bed and go through life wearing nothing but Victoria's Secret, I'll take the rest of the crap!
Not only that, but I have to say - you Christians are going about this recruiting thing all wrong! Someone needs to send a letter to the Jesus-people Public Affairs department about this. You don't start out by talking about the believing in Christ and the going to church and blah blah blah...Open with the control over all aspects of your wife's body and once you have every guy hooked, explain all the crap about "no more sexual immorality" and "oh yeah, you can't steal your neighbor's goat" and all that other shit that nobody really enjoys anyway.
F**king amazing. I told Tiff once that I love short skirts and she basically told me to go have intercourse with myself. Obviously, she doesn't realize that she's on her way to hell with an atitude like that. I'm going to save her soul by buying her a thong - I'm just that nice of a guy.
